Frenetic Haste vs Procrastination

A bath in time saves nine - etching

Back at work in my studio, I am aware of an urge to hurry.  'Come on,' cries a voice in my head. 'This is taking too long. Nothing's happening!' Ironically, this exhortation to work quickly, slows me down almost to a stop. The sense of restless impatience makes it impossible to sink into the work, to feel where it wants to go. 

Sometimes, I fall into the opposite trap - procrastination, when I know what to do next, but cannot galvanize myself to do it and instead go into slow motion, staring at the work for long periods of time or else distracting myself with unimportant chores.

Working with active imagination techniques it becomes clear the root cause of both problems is the same - wanting the work to be good, more than good, wanting it to be wonderful, amazing, to be successful and admired.

Now, you might say, who doesn't? Isn't it good to be ambitious, to want to be the best you can be? Aren't these the goals we set our children?

True, but as Caroline Myss says, in order to create anything we have to keep our spirit in present time. Only in present time can I be with the work as it is now, can I feel the next step as the work evolves. 

The frenetic haste or procrastination is caused by my leaping ahead to a fantasy about how the work will be received - the desire for glory or the fear of ridicule. The trick is to find my way back into that delicious state of absorption where I am not aware of any separation between the work I am creating and myself.

One physical way back into present time is to use the breath, as my yoga teacher constantly reminds me, breathe into the back of your heart, or as my dear craniosacral therapist partner says, breathe into your belly. 

I also know that the only way to sustain this creation is to let go of my ego's need for praise and it's fear of criticism and to allow my artist soul to get on with doing the work for the work's sake. 'To let it be,' as Clarissa Pinkola Este's says, ' just what it is.'